It’s been so long since the last time I posted things here…right now, I’m going through hard times and it’s only now that I’m seeing things clearer and better than I’ve ever seen them, I have to get rid of the things making me unhappy. I have to see the rest of the world and see what it can offer me. I guess I was too eager to be with someone, I was too eager to forget my past by living it again that I forgot to live for today . For now, I still have me, I have my friends. Let’s count off, one there’s Aris. Maybe I was attracted to him because he was different and I could talk to him but he and I are so different, different ideals that I don’t think he and I can be together. He did come at the wrong time in my life, he came when I was rediscovering myself. I don’t want to be with a guy who can’t understand why I cry once in a while by myself, it feels good. I did understand though by what he meant with me, before when he told me things, I’d understand and add on to it but just recently, when I was “with” him, I would ask him the meaning, what was behind all the things he was telling me. I guess I tried too hard to see things I cannot, still that can’t hurt right? He told me the perfect song for us right now describing what he and I are going through right now is “somewhere down the road” by barry manilow, it was about finding the right love at the wrong time, that he and I will cross paths again and see that we belong together, here’s what I thought :”Not!”. That song was about a girl leaving the guy and the guy saying someday the girl will realize she belonged to him, totally not applicable for us. I did find the perfect song for what he and I did go through, it was “If I am” by nine days. It’s a simple song about being in a relationship where one tried so hard and the other didn’t but they both needed patience and faith to make it work out, to make ends meet, it’s simple but it isn’t…I believed that but for me, with aris, there is fine line between love and a waste of time and my choice was a waste of time. As much as I did learn from him, I also learned that he was my biggest problem and that he made me unhappy the most by making me just think too much and lessen on the feelings. He’s a guy who believes he learned so much from what life has offered to him while I just want to live my life, trying to see my purpose, it might be a lost cause but at least I know why I live my life. I live for the moment, I live for today. Bye Aris. This is me, finding myself again and knowing what I want. You wanted someone you can talk to and that side of me is here again but this side found it stupid to stay with you. We were really better off as friends and yeah, I hope we stay that way.
